BELONGING
It is instinctive to belong!
From our very beginning we discovered a home, a warm and cosy womb, a place to be nurtured while we grew and became. We didn’t become our very own individual self until we were outside the womb, separate, alone. If the arms and voice that welcomed us felt warm, comforting and secure, this was a ‘first experience’ in the outside world that we felt a place to belong.
A few days ago I held a new born baby. As she nestled in my arms I felt words coming from my heart and I whispered “welcome to my world”… a little tear ran down my cheek, this moment was so special – for all the days of my life I know, we will belong.
I hugged her Mummy and as the elevator doors closed, I was still in the energy of that hug…I thought, "a hug is a piece of ourselves we give each other so they don’t travel alone."
I was still feeling her hug and I hoped she was still feeling mine.
Belonging is a human emotional need.
In the past people hunted and gathered, met at the well for water, cooked in groups, washed their children and clothes together, togetherness and belonging was essential to survival. Belonging allowed tribe members to share the workload and protect each other. Not only were they endeavoring to ensure their own survival, but all members of their tribe were invested in each other's outcome and survival because each member played an important role in the group.
The times when we play and sing, prepare and share food are times of remembrance and we look forward to the next time we can make this happen. I’m aware though that togetherness for some is a nightmare, because there are emotional memories that disturb our present being. When emotional trauma is resolved, people begin to find their place. If our basic biological needs are missing (air, water, food, shelter, warmth, to feel safe and physically and emotionally secure) then an individual has difficulty bonding/belonging. The inability to have basic needs met, results in mental distress, insecurity, emotional withdrawal and isolation. In search for approval, a yearning to form new relationships emerges.
Extract from the workbook ‘Return To Love’, author Sylvia Marina
What we yearn for is love and acceptance, but firstly we must learn to accept our-self – If this is where you are, I can help you.
"The environment you choose will shape you, you will become like the friends you choose."
Sylvia Marina