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UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. Is it possible?

Sylvia Marina - Sunday, April 13, 2014

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. Is it possible? written by Sylvia Marina

In these times of freedom and plenty, many relationships often experience challenges. We live in a time when both parents work and share home duties in an endeavor to support each other. Recent clients are carrying hurts, grief and deep sorrows that they want resolved.

They yearn to come to a place of unconditional love. They want to rekindle that which was the initial attraction.

The emotional reason people choose their life partner is firstly because of curiosity. The person either reminded them of someone they admired or they seemed totally opposite to anyone they had experienced a relationship with; as a result they were fascinated and ‘fell in love’ with that attraction.

Over time, flaws appear. These flaws were always present but our warm and cuddly *oxytocin was also present thus at the beginning of days together, we were blind to the real realities and/or thought we could make good.

*Oxytocin is called the ‘love hormone’ or ‘cuddle chemical’. In the brain, oxytocin acts as a chemical messenger and has been shown to be important in human behaviours including sexual arousal, recognition, trust, anxiety and mother-infant bonding. 

One client said, “all my life I have been rescuing poor-puppies, I bring them home, giving them food and shelter, kindness and love and very soon we bond and I keep them!” Well this was perfectly okay till she realized she did this in her personal relationships too.

This rescuing behavior also happens in work relationships when family or friends are employed. When more responsibility is required of the employee, often the reaction is a feeling of unloved, uncared for, insensitive, hurt and not belonging when the cold fact final analysis in most business is ‘return on investment’.

Relationships! Is unconditional love possible?

It is very rare that you ever hear me speak of unconditional love. True and pure unconditional love in a marriage is rare. We need to understand, love and behavior are inseparable. In all relationships, marriage in particular, if it were possible to separate love and behavior then unconditional love is possible to achieve.

That which aroused curiosity in the first instance, will often become or be interpreted as love but as time goes by and relationships turn to marriage, babies, financial and social pressures… imperfections reveal themselves.

Communication is the key to resolving issues. Everyone has judgment and without clarification we make decisions based on what appears to be happening. When the pressure of life is pressing in, when you find yourself constantly thinking, wondering, doubting… my advice to couples is to choose a neutral place, a café, to speak about what appears to be happening. This conversation needs to be sooner rather than later.

The longer an issue simmers, in your mind, an issue and behavior that began small can expand to the point where your frustration, attitude and words become destructive to the relationship. If your desire is for unconditional love in your marriage, speak about issues when they happen. Don’t expect your partner to interpret what is happening in your mind.
 

© Sylvia Marina ND.,
EXPERT IN HUMAN BEHAVIOUR | SPEAKER
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