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LOVE IS CRITICAL

Sylvia Marina - Monday, August 29, 2016

LOVE IS CRITICAL

Love is as critical to the mind and body as oxygen. It’s not negotiable.

I have just presented my four-day “Love” program where the class closing comments included, I now have a new landscape to work with... what happens in the lives of people when the landscape of love gets blurred?

In my years of experience working with people from all walks of life, persuasions and cultures, many accept what I note as abusive behaviours because they have a mantra that affirms to them...some love is better than no love. 

Fulfilling love is a natural anti depressant. The less love you have the more likely you are to feel depressed. Feeling empty, unfulfilled, desolate, it’s hard for people to describe what is missing – they don’t identify or understand their expectations but have an idea, expectations are not being met.

Most depressed people don’t love their self and they do not feel loved by others. They hold onto what they have for fear of being alone. 

Sadly they are alone. 

I must say, most people acknowledge they have an intellectual knowing that they are loved, the problem is they don’t feel it.

Isolated in loneliness, people who don’t feel loved don’t fully participate in relationships, friendships or socially. They become self-focused, making their-self less attractive to others, they are deprive of opportunities to learn new skills for attracting love.

There is a myth that love just happens. 

Actually there are times when it does. Hold a newborn babe and soon you feel the feeling of connectedness and you spontaneously place a tender kiss on the forehead of the little one, at the same time your subconscious whispers to your inner self, I love the way I feel about me when I’m with you. 

For those who had no family role model as to what love is or can be, they gathered notions about love, mostly from TV, movies and songs... the rest has been left to chance.

In the big grown-ups world, when that tenderness has left the relationships, or sadly never been there... depression happens and the depressed sit around waiting for someone to love them unaware that to get love and to keep love there are behaviours to learn and habits to unlearn. What does this mean? 

After the honeymoon...after the initially flurry has faded, when the ideal is not being met, many begin to show their underside by demanding and controlling as to their expectation of what an ideal relationship should be. Interesting when I ask had the ideal relationship conversation ever happened the answer is NO or I didn’t know what I really wanted till I wasn’t feeling loved. And that’s when the nagging, complaining, crying, tantrums and childish behaviours play out again. And if you don’t feel listened to at home, you wait for an audience in the hope of shaming the other(s). 

Or opposites happen. Silence. What’s the matter?...nothing!
Or behind closed door, physical abuse happens stealing another’s dreams, self-worth and human rights of safety, belonging and freedom.

It is not only possible but necessary to change one’s approach to love and to prevent depression. Whether you are in a relationship with another or learning how to love yourself better more fully, the following steps when embraced will bring more love into your life.

Learn to

  • Communicate   
  • Listen to understand – mostly we listen to reply
  • Respect, yourself and each other
  • Value. Know YOUR values
  • Goals, individual and shared goals

One of the places where people lack clarity is choosing their top values. These are non negotiable. Example: 

  • Kindness
  • Truthfulness
  • Respect
  • Appreciation 
  • Time

Love is a best anti depressant – and here is a do not. Don’t confuse love with sex – sex is not the complete answer, love is.

2016© SYLVIA MARINA. ND. 

Speaker & Human Behaviour Specialist

T: +61 (0) 412 198 612 

E: info@sylviamarina.com         
W:http://www.sylviamarina.com

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