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JOYS & GRIEF

Tuesday, March 29, 2016

JOYS & GRIEF written by Sylvia Marina ND.

As I write it is early morning, the dawn has a light autumn feel, the birds are making happy chirping sounds in our garden. My heart is so full of love and gratitude for everyone and everything I have in my life.

Sunday was my birthday and in our part of the world we celebrated Easter weekend. Beautiful invitations happened, dear Kez invited us to have dinner with her family and friends and in her words, “for more than twenty years I have wanted to sit at the same table as Sylvia”. I was choked with the delight of someone desiring to have my company and creating the opportunity to make it happen.

Why wait soooo long... when the time is right, when spirit energy aligns for our loves and new lessons to happen – often we don’t know why we wait to make desires happen – for me, my heart is joyous...we relaxed, shared stories, laughed and created memories. 

It was not only Easter and Birthday, it is the beginning of a year in which I intend to celebrate life...through my work, my many loves and interests, family and friends.

I am deeply aware that whilst this has personally been a time of great joy, many are going through sorrow and grief. 

Grief is an inevitable part of life but that doesn’t make navigating it any easier. Along with a crew of volunteers, I chair the International Grief Support Foundation Inc. this group was founded in the year 2000. 

The deep sorrow that accompanies the death of a loved one, the end of a marriage, the loss of a pet, career, money, lifestyle, a diagnosis or trauma, loss of health and life energy vibrancy, loss of a dream or business, separation, divorce or even moving far away from home or your birthplace, is real. While grief is universal, we all grieve differently. 

Grief is normal and natural and therefore not a disorder, a phobia, a depression... or anxiety. Grief is natural. 

Through the many years I specialized with supporting people through their Cancers, the patients and their families acknowledged the work of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross as she described her theory in her book the five stages of death/grief.

1) Denial
2) Anger
3) Bargaining
4) Depression
5) Acceptance.

Each of these stages can happen within seconds, minutes, days, weeks or longer – denial that the ‘news’ or diagnosis has happened to anger that it happened to them, and in tragedy, searching for someone or something to blame, to bargaining with god, medical and for miracles, signs of depression includes silence, forgetfulness, mind blanking, frozen in fear, separating oneself from family  & society, to acceptance of the reality.

I always remind people to be kind to their-self and remember there is no time-frame to grief – neither is it something to get-over. 

When I was a young mother, I experienced the loss of an unborn baby. At that time, I had another life to move into, another child to care for and well meaning people who said...just move on it wasn’t supposed to be! 

I recognized people were trying to help me...what happened was delayed grief – fifteen years later I had an occurrence that triggered a tsunami of grief, the amassed sorrow of suppressed grief. It felt like every part of my body had been holding the grief and as I uncontrollably cried, everywhere in my body where the grief had been held now released pain.

It was months of physical pain and emotional sorrow till that ‘one day’ I walked into a little church and sat in silence, searching for and surrendering to the place of solace. 

Later that day, just before sunset I went to the river, a place called Deepwater Point where I mentally released the pain – it never returned – that day was my day of, acceptance.

Could I have released the grief earlier...possibly. However, throughout the years, I had not the awareness that I was still carrying the sadness.

What I learnt, we all grieve differently.

2016© SYLVIA MARINA. ND. 

Human Behaviour Specialist & Speaker

Sylvia can be reached at +61 (0) 412 198 612 

Email: info@sylviamarina.com          http://www.sylviamarina.com

The contents of this article may be copied, reproduced or freely distributed without the consent of the author provided the author's name, copyright notice and contact information are included.

ABN 19 724 763 97

Enabling people to live a life free from emotional pain and trauma.

BEHAVIOUR & PASSION

Monday, March 07, 2016

BEHAVIOUR & PASSION

If you could see you the way I see you... you would understand you a lot deeper. ~ Sylvia Marina ND. Human Behaviour Specialist.


For more than 30 years, I’ve been studying behaviour in what I call, small things, that grow into enormous mountains. Unless the root cause is addressed the behaviour grows into a habit, addiction and spiritual abuse.


I’ve been noticing, people draw on the ‘wheel of life’ abundance in certain areas – let’s take finances for example. They have the ability to acquire whatever money will buy – however money does not buy fulfillment, money does not buy everlasting love – the deficit of fulfillment leaves you with a sad and empty heart.


A human behaviour specialist, I continue my study because with each decade, life and life’s stresses change and I want to have an incredible depth of knowledge to help the people who trust me with their deepest dreams and desires, hurts, misunderstandings and times of being misunderstood.


I want to understand the changes that happen within each decade of change. The generations that preceded my life moved from solely relying on the land, rivers and oceans to trading between families that became communities and then the industrial revolution happened. 


Most of my childhood was spent with no electricity no running water to the home and the closest telephone communication was two miles away across valleys and rocky ridges. We were not alone in our isolation. There were many... who lived near the outskirts of town limits, living with sparse – either by choice or chance it still happens today.


I continue my study because whether life evolves by choice or chance everyone needs understanding and support. As a Human Behaviour Specialist it is within my role to see the pain spots and search for solutions that lead to the greatest change in the minimal and smartest way within each life entrusted to my care.


Some days, the stress spots of modern life are computers and communication, people and relationships, finances and uncertainty. The many generations that preceded us knew the value of sharpening the saw, developing an arrow that was precise, knowing the tide and moon phases and how to use the signs of nature for survival. 


In these modern times of challenges and uncertainty, I quickly spot those who are blindly seeking, jumping from one disappointing idea/relationship to another – trying to find a place to give their love in the hope of it being reciprocated. Too many settle for the adage, some love is better than no love – this decision leads to anger and disappointment – people discover pain and heartache and eventually come to realise they are creating or repeating ‘spiritual abuse’ to their self.


Too often people recognize that they are repeating behaviour that brings disappointment and consciously think that behavior change is hard or they don’t know where to start – I work with these dear souls everyday.
I see small steps leading to epic behavioral change. 


If I can’t help you, if there are biological factors that will prevent real change, I’ll let you know immediately.


2016© SYLVIA MARINA. ND.
Human Behaviour Specialist & Speaker

Sylvia can be reached at +61 (0) 412 198 612 

Email: info@sylviamarina.com          http://www.sylviamarina.com


2014 Top 100 Influential Person Of The Year Within Perth's Small Business Community.

2015 Top 100 Influential Person Of The Year Within Perth's Small Business Community.

2016 Leader of Influence Award Within Perth's Small Business Community.

The contents of this article may be copied, reproduced or freely distributed without the consent of the author provided the author's name, copyright notice and contact information are included.

ABN 19 724 763 97

Enabling people to live a life free from emotional pain and trauma.


THE START OF 2016

Sunday, February 07, 2016

Dear Friends,
The start of 2016 is full of amazing experiences and beautiful lessons.

We began the year with three days Getting The Love You Want at a fabulous arts venue in East Fremantle – just right for ‘new year visions’ expanding the mind to new possibilities.


At the conclusion of the program I grasped the opportunity to fly to New Zealand and spend time with family as my elder brother-in-law graciously approached the end of this life. It was beautiful to sit and chat and learn from an elder – to ask the questions that I’d often thought...I must ask Graeme that sometime...well now was the time. 

To learn of the life experiences and calling into the ministry – from turning the hymn sheets as his Mother played the church organ at the Chatham Islands, to hearing the call of God to his own heart to continue God’s work on earth. His life as a person, husband, parent, friend, teacher, reverend cannon, kaumatua/elder... So many chats of heartfelt value – and I, eager to listen and learn! As I sat by his bed he would say...what shall we talk about this time, I had the question, Graeme with serious love & humour would talk till he fell asleep again.

We don’t always get or take the opportunity to do these things.

Back to my home in Perth to prepare myself and thoughts for Copenhagen, Denmark! Annemarie had everything prepared for me. Student workbooks translated & printed, class registrations, and me a comfy bed and her generous hospitality. I received two invitations to teach Transforming DNA Memories. 1) Denmark. 2) Norway.

I was preparing to return to Perth when Graeme passed. It was a long flight...Copenhagen, Dubai, Perth, 90 minutes at home to repack from winter to summer, then flights to Perth-Melbourne, Auckland, Blenheim. A marathon I will remember for a long time. It was the completion of one life journey and the start of many new beginnings. The legacy that Graeme left in the hearts and lives of those he touched is truly a blessing – I remember our five day Mastery retreat – every day he returned from his walk with a cone or seed pod and shared the lesson of what that nature story meant. 

It was winter and we were in the freezing high country of New Zealand – our lodge accommodation was warm, the warmth opened the cones and the seeds fell out – before we left that place we scattered the seeds for the birds and possibility new growth in the spring.

The spirit and influence of these life experiences I treasure.

2016© Sylvia Marina ND., 

HUMAN BEHAVIOUR SPECIALIST | SPEAKER
E: info@sylviamarina.com | W: www.sylviamarina.com

FB: http://facebook.com/sylvia.marina2

The contents of this article may be copied, reproduced or freely distributed without the consent of the author provided the author's name, copyright notice and contact information are included.


RECOGNIZE WHEN YOUR THOUGHTS HAVE SLIPPED

Friday, February 05, 2016

RECOGNIZE WHEN YOUR THOUGHTS HAVE SLIPPED written by Sylvia Marina

Remember in my previous article I wrote of my eight-day journey ‘seeking clarity’....

I came to understand, the factory or default settings in each of us in terms of our moods and feelings is one of calmness, clarity, confidence, creativity, resilience, self kindness, motivation and peace of mind. These feelings are natural.


The reason we don’t have the experience of calmness, confidence clarity and self-kindness all the time is because of our thinking. Our thoughts allow external stress to influence our thinking.


There comes a moment hopefully, when we see that behind every feeling and emotion there lies a certain thought or series of thoughts – many of which were created in our wonderful world of imagination – but not all, some are external physical, financial, emotional abuse

My little toot, is to be kind to your self.

Emotional pain has a way of consuming a person’s mind, when active it is hard to feel good about yourself when you have an inner wound screaming to be understood and healed. When we don’t feel good about our self it manifests in our health and lifestyle affecting decisions, relationships, career and finances.


Recognize when your thoughts have slipped away from your calm spot and seek help to realign and refocus.


I wish with all my heart that you laugh more, relax more, give more, spend more time with those dear to you and uncover more of the unbelievable awesomeness that is within You.


2016© Sylvia Marina ND., 


EXPERT IN HUMAN BEHAVIOUR | SPEAKER
E: info@sylviamarina.com | W: www.sylviamarina.com

FB: http://facebook.com/sylvia.marina2


The contents of this article may be copied, reproduced or freely distributed without the consent of the author provided the author's name, copyright notice and contact information are included.

HEALING EMOTIONAL WOUNDS

Sunday, January 10, 2016

HEALING EMOTIONAL WOUNDS

During our intensive three-day weekend seminar, I told the emotional story of seeking to heal what I termed the wounds of the soul.

Many years ago I was going through a couple of confidence shattering years and finally I enrolled in an eight day training program specifically designed for health professionals. During these eight days we were to explore the deepest fear/difficult or challenge we were personally experiencing. 


I have always held a belief that to be successful in career one must firstly be successful in their personal life. I had always given myself the challenge of taking responsibility for my decisions and outcomes but this time in my life was horrified at the cruel blow I had been delivered, not just one but like an earthquake there were continuing emotionally shattering tremors– I became what I termed a wounded soul.

To regain my joy I knew I must heal the ‘wounds of the soul’.
I needed to heal MY bruised soul. I was physically sick and had been for many years, I understood emotional wounds are a contributing factor to why physical healing takes so long or fails to fully heal.
My goal was not to forget the hurtful events and trauma’s that had evolved, I needed to be alert and wary of the patterns of my life and the foolishness I had to forgiveness – I was stupidly forgiving another of what I now understand to be patterns of emotional cruelty. 

I couldn’t see it at the time but now that I have healed those emotional wounds I see in a different way and it is no longer painful to look back upon. The inner rawness that was constantly leaking tears has healed.

In my eight-day journey of ‘seeking clarity’ my first seminar partner was Doris – she didn’t believe in “Soul” so I couldn’t possibly be feeling emotionally bruised therefore could not possibly heal my bruised soul because in her belief I didn’t have a Soul.

Lesson: No matter what the ‘word’ or the ‘belief’ of your client always remember, the session is about the client – in this instance, it was about my life, a life that had been disillusioned, hurt, shocked and splintered. And I was having difficulties putting the bits back together again.

Kindness: I don’t recall his name but I do remember the energy. He knew how to hold a space of kindness whereby inner self-inquiry and clarity began to happen and healing commenced. 

Emotional pain has a way of consuming a person’s mind, when active it is hard to feel good about yourself when you have an inner wound screaming to be understood and healed. When we don’t feel  good about our self it manifests in our health and lifestyle affecting decisions, relationships, career and finances.

I’m forever grateful I made a decision to attend that eight-day program. I learnt from the course authors, I learnt from the patience and kindness of Mr Kindness, I learnt more about myself, I experienced love and support of the other seminar participants AND because of Doris, I became a better person, mother, teacher and practitioner.


2016© SYLVIA MARINA. ND. 

Author of “Getting The Love You Want” in 7 steps.

Founder, Professional Kinesiology Association of WA Inc, International Grief Support Foundation Inc. Sylvia is known for her heart-felt approach to personal development, internationally presenting seminars of value. A published writer, twice awarded one of Perth’s 100 Most Influential in small business, Sylvia has a unique approach to connecting people with their purpose transforming their lives for better.

Sylvia can be reached at +61 (0) 412 198 612 

Email: info@sylviamarina.com          http://www.sylviamarina.com

The contents of this article may be copied, reproduced or freely distributed without the consent of the author provided the author's name, copyright notice and contact

ATTAINING CONNECTEDNESS

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

ATTAINING CONNECTEDNESS written by Sylvia Marina ND.

When you believe in yourself others can’t help but ‘connect and believe in you.

What has happened to human connectedness?
Face-to-face acknowledgement and verbal conversation has lessened the outpouring of emotions and connectedness – it’s minimal. 

We’ve “done” New Age! We are presently making brow-furrows as we educate ourselves with Technology Age. Higher intelligence... Greater than technology ... it is imperative we be alert to the Age of Human Connectedness – developing our selves to be the best possible human enjoying and exploring our individual passion, getting the career and relationships which are satisfying and worthy.

Connectedness is crucial to positive metal health, belongingness, our relationships and personal and professional growth. 

A point to relationships and why so many are fragmenting; people have not learnt the art of connecting with their heart and soul. 

In our youth we sought approval, confused as to how the complete model should be, many felt if they had a measure of perfection, approval from their family and their emerging world of social and career would follow. Too often that didn’t happen.

When people are devoid of love and approval they turn to addiction. 


They yearn belongingness and love that satisfies.
They fear feelings of inequality, espousing a ‘need to please’ mode, being overly self sufficient, excessive spending, extreme-giving in an endeavor to compensate for inadequacies or to seek approval.

What they desire is love, love that satisfies their need.

Dissatisfied people become addicted to ‘needing approval’ and spend countless hours seeking approval either directly or indirectly by comparing how they perceive others to be creating and managing relationships, career, business, finances...and exude excessive desire to please and gain approval. 

Approval from outside sources does not give the love we want – seeking approval behavior, becomes an addiction - addicts are never satisfied. 


Do you know, the opposite of addiction is connection? It’s connection people want. 

Stop the conflict of not being good enough and learn how to connect to your inner sanctum gift of ‘self-approval’.

Until we fully love ourselves there will be difficulties in many areas of our life.

2015© SYLVIA MARINA. ND. Author of “Getting The Love You Want” in 7 steps.

Founder, Professional Kinesiology Association of WA Inc, International Grief Support Foundation Inc. Sylvia is known for her heart-felt approach to personal development, internationally presenting seminars of value. A published writer, twice awarded one of Perth’s 100 Most Influential in small business, Sylvia has a unique approach to connecting people with their purpose transforming their lives for better.
Sylvia can be reached at +61 (0) 412 198 612 

Email: info@sylviamarina.com          http://www.sylviamarina.com

The contents of this article may be copied, reproduced or freely distributed without the consent of the author provided the author's name, copyright notice and contact information are included.

STOP WORRYING

Monday, November 30, 2015

STOP WORRYING…written by Sylvia Marina

Worry is a total waste of time.

It doesn’t change anything.

All is does is steal your joy.

It’s tough, frustrating, sometimes tormenting, those moments and days waiting for results.

The exam results, the infringement notice – you know the speed camera flashed your excess – but exactly how much over the limit... worry, worry... financial pressure, insecurities... the unprepared for pregnancy test, result... the diagnosis...

Worry is that internal uneasiness that happens when we are overly concerned about a problem or situation. The mind goes into overdrive and soon we are into over-thinking, focusing on ‘what might happen’ and distorting reality.

When worrying becomes excessive, it creates high anxiety and can even cause you to be physically ill.

However there is another aspect to worry. Worrying can be helpful when it spurs you to take action and solve a problem.

I have a client who worries excessively. Of the many worries that she carries, one relates to her daughter-in-law, she feels she is not concerned enough.
I happen to know. Daughter-in-law is concerned and her drive is to take action, she is researching, changing family diet and household cleaning products, she is a silent activist in changing all possible contributing factors to the family member health challenge.  

MIL (mother-in-law) is preoccupied with the worst-case scenario. Worry for her has become a problem. 

Constant worry, doubts and fears are paralysing, they sap your emotional energy, cause self doubt, send spiritual practices spiralling, elevate anxiety levels and interfere with your ability to concentrate and efficiently articulate daily your life. Worry occupies your mind and interferes with your ability to be present.

Worry can be helpful when it spurs you to take action and solve a problem. Chronic worrying is a mental habit that can be changed. You can train your brain – this is what MIL (mother-in-law) is doing.

Keep life in perspective. There are times when worry pushes us to research more before making a decision. To ask wise questions and prepare ourselves for the future, the interview, the exam, the proposal! 

When worry, fear or anxiety becomes so irrational you can’t focus on reality or think clearly - it interferes with your daily life, sleep, appetite, digestion, patience, relationships, work performance. 

Uncertainty is part of life. Excessively worrying about uncertainty is debilitating causing cognitive distortion. Cognitive distortions are not based on reality they are a life-long pattern of thinking that has become automatic. 

The good news - it is possible to stop the habit of worry, you must retrain the brain.

2015© Sylvia Marina ND., 


EXPERT IN HUMAN BEHAVIOUR | SPEAKER
E: info@sylviamarina.com
W:www.sylviamarina.com

FB: www.facebook.com/gettingtheloveyouwant 

The contents of this article may be copied, reproduced or freely distributed without the consent of the author provided the author's name, copyright notice and contact information are included.


MANAGE YOUR AGEING STRESS

Monday, October 26, 2015

MANAGE YOUR AGEING STRESS written by Sylvia Marina


As I stand in line at the supermarket waiting my turn to process the cost of my grocery items, just near the checkout I gaze at the many magazines. My mouth begins its salivation process sometimes I have to check that I don’t dribble, as I look at the pictures of the gastronomical delights. Frequently the same cover highlights ‘AGEING’. 


Many of our readers know I’m passionate about ageing gracefully. Age is not to be feared – Age is to be accepted and embraced!

Have you noticed those who mentally resist ageing get the most wrinkles?

I encourage you to love life, manage stress, be sensible and enjoy watching the exquisite character lines that naturally evolve. It is simply natural to get a few crinkles!

In reality, for each of us there are experiences that cause stress and grief and sadness. These inward sorrows do manifest physically.

For those of you who are not well, I wish you a speedy recovery and the support you need to heal. If you are grieving, I offer you my condolences, because I know the pain and anguish of loss. And whilst there is a light- hearted approach at the opening of my note to you today, I have personal experience with grief and the pain of grief and here I give you my little tip.

When emotional sadness overwhelms a reaction for many is to lose your wise-choice appetite, preferring to starve your body or overeat often denying the body good nutrition.

In such times, be kind to yourself. Remember your Telomere’s.


TELOMERE’S what are they?

At the end of a chromosome is a telomere, which acts like a bookend. Telomeres keep chromosomes (a chromosome is a long strand of DNA) protected and prevent them from fusing into rings or binding with other DNA.

Telomeres play an important role in cell division.


Every time our cells divide, the telomeres shrink. When they get short enough, our cells no longer divide and our body stops making those cells. Over time, this leads to aging and death.

When the telomere becomes too short, essential parts of the DNA can be damaged in the replication process. Scientists have noticed that cells stop replicating when telomeres are shorter. In humans, a cell replicates about 50 times before the telomeres become too short. This limit is called the Hayflick limit (after the scientist who discovered it).


Telomeres are sometimes likened to, the ‘seal’ on the end of a shoelace. The purpose of the seal is to stop the lace from unraveling.


Manage Your Ageing


Telomere’s need constantly good nutrition, lots of water, plenty of sleep, exercise, playfulness, rest and oodles of self love.


When life is dark and difficult. In those days and times when it seems too difficult to put your own needs first, remember your telomeres!

They deserve love.


2015© Sylvia Marina ND., 

THE HUMAN BEHAVIOUR SPECIALIST | SPEAKER | AUTHOR 

E: info@sylviamarina.com | W: www.sylviamarina.com 

FB: www.facebook.com/gettingtheloveyouwant


The contents of this article may be copied, reproduced or freely distributed without the consent of the author provided the author's name, copyright notice and contact information are included.

EMOTIONAL ABUSE IS ABUSE

Monday, October 05, 2015

EMOTIONAL ABUSE IS ABUSE. Written by Sylvia Marina ND.


I want you to think for a moment... when you do something silly, burn the dinner, forget where you put something, forgot an important appointment even though you had noticed it in your diary earlier in the day...  


What were the exact words you said to yourself?


Were they sweet, forgiving and understanding or did you berate yourself and use words that you wouldn’t articulate to another but it is okay to say emotional cruelties to yourself. 


Please, please, please remember this, Emotional Abuse IS Abuse no matter where it happens from. We don’t usually think about the way we speak to our inner self but there is a constant chatter happening between the brain memory, cells, organs, muscle memories, the conscious and subconscious memory and the hidden ancestral memories.

If any or all of these centres are programmed for silly talk, abusive talk or actions, then when they happen in relationships initially we accept them as normal behaviour.


It is only when the behaviour becomes ‘overwhelm’ that we begin to consider...what started it, or when did all this begin?


What were the possible triggers? Probably it began when we were young and impressionable, sensitive and trying to do and be perfect – often our efforts were not ‘good enough’ for either our-self or those of authority, (parents, siblings, family friends, teachers). If they said we were useless, stupid, and irresponsible and they were the authority, soon we believed them. And here is what I have seen happen, very soon we didn’t wait for someone to tell us we were useless, stupid, and irresponsible, it became so ingrained, we told it to our self.


Many have duplicated this behaviour until they totally believe at a subconscious and cellular level they are unworthy of being loved or loveable. A compounding debilitating factor is often embedded in their DNA code whereby they have an internal drive for financial gain and status and reject intimate relationships for fear of doing wrong again.


Sadly, driven by an inner voice that reminds them constantly of their self worth and wretchedly their internal voice gets louder and louder till it is the only voice they believe.


Many may wonder why I spent years creating the program “Getting The Love You Want” I didn’t want it to be ‘just another program’ I needed to ensure its design actually changed deeply embedded behaviour. Clients were constantly bringing me their tears of anguish, not realising those who were responsible for setting up the pattern of behaviour were often no longer on earth but my clients before seeking my help, were still replaying the actions and deeply ingrained self abusive language. “Getting The Love You Want” workshop has proven to bring change to all who have participated.


Don't settle for emotional abuse thinking it is okay because it is not physical. Emotional Abuse IS Abuse whether from internal or external sources.


You can change. For some it is not easy making change but the lightness that happens within ones purpose and spirit, reflects the joy that happens as we learn and experience the healing depths of learning how to Get The Love and Life You Want.


2015© Sylvia Marina ND., 

THE HUMAN BEHAVIOUR SPECIALIST | SPEAKER | AUTHOR 


E: info@sylviamarina.com | W: www.sylviamarina.com 

FB: www.facebook.com/gettingtheloveyouwant


The contents of this article may be copied, reproduced or freely distributed without the consent of the author provided the author's name, copyright notice and contact information are included.



IS YOUR BEHAVIOUR PURE

Sunday, August 09, 2015

IS YOUR BEHAVIOUR PURE _ written by Sylvia Marina  

This week I had reason to recall a recent conversation with a business-person and remembered I had not yet shared it with you.


It may help you to understand on a deeper level why some relationships are difficult.

Here was my message at my business meeting. “Rage fuelled abuse hurled in words or actions is evidence enough to know something is not right.” 

Plus in another division of their business:  “Stark blank silence – people not communicating or only communicating part of the story.” 

This was happening in business but it happens too in personal relationships.

It reminded me of an interesting study. A group of scientists placed 5 monkeys in a cage and in the middle, a ladder with banana’s on top.

Every time a monkey went up the ladder, the scientists soaked the rest of the monkeys with cold water. After a while, every time a monkey went up the ladder, the others beat up the one on the ladder. After some time, no monkey dared to go up the ladder regardless of the temptation. 

Scientists then decided to substitute one of the monkeys. 

The first thing this new monkey did was to go up the ladder. Immediately the other monkeys beat him up. After several beatings, the new member learned not to climb the ladder.

A second monkey was substituted and the same occurred. The first monkey participated on the beating for the second monkey. 

A third, fourth and finally the fifth monkey – all experienced the beating but never knew why.

What was left was a group of 5 monkeys that even though they never received a cold shower of water continued to beat any monkey who attempted to climb the ladder.

It was impossible to ask the monkeys why they would beat up those who attempted to go up the ladder.

I bet their answer would be: I don’t know. That’s just how things are done around here.

This story is not new but the lesson is clear... Don’t follow others behaviour, think before you follow, think before you become part of a negative behaviour pattern.

At the business meeting I began to ask deeper questions, I discovered these behaviours were not recent, it was the reason management was speaking to me – they were searching for strategies on how to change a generation of destructive culture.

Naturally I began to speak of Getting The Love You Want...when people notice another getting the attention they feel should be there’s. If every-time they reach for the reward, affection, recognition! If everyone of those times they are discouraged, quickly an attitude of resistance creeps into the subconscious mind and soon a new behaviour is established - covert initially, then overtime like a virus if silently spreads until the problem seems almost impossible to heal, impossible to change. 

But change can happen if joy and the freedom of true joy and love is to be achieved – it’s not impossible.

Here is my five today tips to stop destructive behaviour.

  • Recognise where you are at 
  • Revisit your values
  • Realign with your values
  • Live intentionally
  • Recognise and applaud change

Focus on who you are now and who you are becoming.

2015© Sylvia Marina ND., 

THE HUMAN BEHAVIOUR SPECIALIST | SPEAKER | AUTHOR 

E: info@sylviamarina.com | W: www.sylviamarina.com 

FB: www.facebook.com/gettingtheloveyouwant

The contents of this article may be copied, reproduced or freely distributed without the consent of the author provided the author's name, copyright notice and contact information are included.



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